


crazy is relative

by likewinning



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Comment Fic, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likewinning/pseuds/likewinning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred makes everyone go to family counseling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	crazy is relative

"Hold on," the counselor says. She's blonde, pretty, and Jason hit on her about six times before they were even through the door before Tim mouthed _she used to be crazy_ at him. "Weren't you just telling me Damian died?"

"Tt," Damian says. "I'd hardly call it dying. Death is beneath me."

"Oh my god," Tim mutters. Steph elbows him hard, shushes him.

"Yeah," Jason says. "But I died _first_."

"Oh, such an accomplishment, Todd. Do you want to get into all the murders you've commited, too?"

"Damian," Bruce warns.

"Listen, you little creep –"

" _Jason_ ," Tim says.

"They've both – died," Bruce says, like he's trying to move the subject along. "But –"

"Well, I think we should talk about that," the counselor says. "Clearly, these - deaths – have affected all of you in profound ways."

Jason shrugs. "Not really."

Damian shrugs. "I'm over it."

Steph tosses her hair back. "I was only _pretending_ to be dead."

The counselor's eyes widen like she's about to ask, but thinks better of it. Jason taps his foot. Tim pulls at the strings of his hoodie. Damian _tts_ and Steph kicks his ankle.

"Richard," the psychiatrist says. "You've been quiet throughout all of this. Is there anything you'd like to contribute?"

Dick smiles at her, shrugs. "Not really. I'm the golden child."

"You're –"

"It's true," Bruce says. "If everyone was more like Dick –"

"Oh my _god_ ," Tim says again.

"Dick was dead _too_ ," Damian snaps, and the counselor takes off her glasses, rubs her eyes. "Is there anyone here who _hasn't_ died?"

Everyone looks at each other. "Well," Tim says eventually. " _I_ haven't."

"Not that anyone would even notice if you did," Damian says.

Cass smacks the back of his head. Alfred sighs. "I did warn you group therapy was an ambitious way to start this, Miss Quinn."

"You weren't kidding."


End file.
